So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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