so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i think my cat just said my name.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
