I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
