youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
