haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
