I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
