I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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