Who wears a wallet chain?!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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