It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
