when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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