Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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