you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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