Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
