Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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