People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
