Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
