There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
