I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
