Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
