grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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