So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
