sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
3 2 1 whiskey
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
