ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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