Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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