I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
