Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
