Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
