A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
