..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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