OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
