Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
pop tarts are not kleenex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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