so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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