remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
