I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
