I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
