I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
