I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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