Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.

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(509): View more from Washington

Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.

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(817): View more from Texas

Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

(1-817): View more from Texas

This hangover makes more sense now

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.

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(206): View more from Washington

I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!

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