We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
