You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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