Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
