Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
