Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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