It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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