Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
