I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
