He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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