I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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