well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
