Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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