And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
