Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
