and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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