I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
