3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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