She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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