I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
