well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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