why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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