it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
