I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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