I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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