I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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