You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
